Willingness

"He or she who is MORE WILLING is more likely to prevail."

Background

In an earlier post, I laid out a “Formula for Readiness.” The formula, based on Tom Kier’s “Readiness Triangle” consists of being “Aware, Willing, and Able.” If you are all the above, you will be ready…or at least ‘more ready’ than others.

My most recent article was all about Awareness, the first step of the formula. I covered what it meant, why it was important, how to develop it, and the history behind Situational Awareness. I also made the argument that “awareness” or “alertness” is a martial skill and may be the most important martial skill of all.

What to expect in this Article

Today, I’m going to share some of my thoughts, along with the ideas of others (“I do not have a monopoly on good ideas!”) about “Willingness.” What does it mean to be willing? Why is it important? What is the history of this idea? Perhaps most importantly, we’ll discuss the HOW behind willingness, willpower, and simply becoming ‘more willing’ than others…especially your attacker!

What it means? (definitions matter if we seek to understand it)

If you haven’t noticed by now, I like to start by defining the term or terms. I once heard Jordan Peterson say, “If we seek to understand something, we must first define it.” I couldn’t agree more. So, we’ll start there.

· Willingness: the quality of state of being happy to do something if it is needed.

· Willpower: the control exerted to do something or not do something.

· Iron Will: a strong, unbreakable, and unwavering determination or resolve, often used to describe someone who is determined and persistent in pursuit of their goals, or ideals, even in the face of adversity.

My own simple definition as it relates to the topic of Personal Protection and Self-Defense goes something like this, “Gladly doing what needs to be done, even and especially when it’s difficult, challenging, or uncomfortable.”

Why it matters?

As I stated in a previous article, those who are more WILLING are not just more likely to PREVAIL in a violent. They are also more likely to PREVENT one. The willingness it takes to prepare not only helps them win but can also help them prevent such instances.

Prior to the encounter, they were willing to seek out the tools, techniques, and tactics that would improve their odds of success. They were also willing to get initial training and do some regular training on their own. Just as important, they were also willing to carry such tools with them daily, which is no small sacrifice. Then, when or if they face the crucible of a violent encounter… They are ready!

“It isn’t always being fast or accurate that counts. It’s being willing.” – John Wayne (playing John Bernard Books in The Shootist)

During such an encounter, the person who is more WILLING to do what it takes to WIN is more likely to do so. Decisiveness and Aggression win and “A lack of aggressive response kills more victims than anything else.” (Tom Givens)

Those who are more willing will do things others will not. They will do things the attacker does not expect. They will fight much harder and with much more savagery than those who are among the ‘less willing.’ They are willing to “go there.” Or drag the attacker with them into waters so deep that the enemy either drowns or heads back to shore.

As Sun Tzu once wisely said, “One need not destroy one’s enemy. One need only to destroy his willingness to engage.”

Being able, or capable, of doing something is important, and we’ll talk about “Ability” in the next article. But “Ability” is often not enough. We all can think of instances of when the more “able” person, team, company or even nation lost. How does that happen? What makes it possible for the more capable competitor to lose? Answer: WILL!

Desire leads to Willingness

How can you become more willing to fight, to do whatever it takes to prevail in a true moment of consequence? Is it something you are born with? Or is it something to be developed?

I’m reminded of a question I was asked after a recent speech. It’s a question I’ve been asked many times. It’s usually something like this, “Why did you make it through SEAL training when others didn’t?” Here’s another version, “What trait or traits make it more likely for someone to make it through BUD/S?”

The answers I used to give were traits such as “Grit”, “Discipline”, “Mental Toughness” even “Resilience.” Now, I think there’s something that precedes each of these: DESIRE! The person who wants it more usually (not always) wins or succeeds.

In my case, my DESIRE to become a Navy SEAL outweighed my desire for anything else. The moment I decided to enlist in the Navy, I became singularly focused on one single goal: becoming a Navy SEAL. Any time I was faced with a decision, I asked myself a simple question; “Will this bring me closer to my goal of becoming a SEAL?” If the answer was no, I would not do it. If yes, then I’d do it wholeheartedly.

It was not easy. I had to wake up early and get my training in before doing my chores on the farm. I had to say “No” to staying out late many times. I had to run deny myself of certain comforts that others were experiencing. I was only able to do that because I WANTED IT. My DESIRE to become a Navy SEAL outweighed my desire for being comfortable or having an easy life.

The desire made me more willing to do what it took to succeed. There were plenty of candidates in my BUD/S class that were physically more “Able’ than me. There were not, however, that many that wanted it more than I did…than the few of us who made it did. It is that desire that led to a willingness to do what it took to succeed.

The desire made me more willing. It specially made me willing to SACRIFICE my own time, money, and energy to PREPARE… to TRAIN!

More than Desire

No one wants to be attacked. No one wants to get hurt, kidnapped, or killed. So, it can’t just be about ‘Wanting it more than others’, right? How can it be about desire? No one desires to be faced by a violent attacker, right?

Yes, that is true. No sane person wants to be attacked or put in a circumstance where they must prove their own mettle. But, thanks to our “Awareness” (previous article), we realize that it’s statistically very likely to, at some point in your life, face violence. The math is the math. It’s not being paranoid. It’s being AWARE.

Once you become ‘Aware’ of the reality and understand that you are statistically more likely to face such an encounter than not. The next step is to think about your WHY, or the reason or purpose behind being more prepared.

How to be More Willing?

Start with IDENTITY. Who do you aspire to be? How would that person behave? When things don’t go as planned, or if things go wrong… we don’t just fall to our level of preparation. We also fall back on our own IDENTITY!

As a husband and father, I see myself as a PROTECTOR. In a way, I aspire to be a WARRIOR even though I am no longer serving in the military. I explained this in greater detail in my personal blog.

Next, think about your PURPOSE, or the whole REASON you own a firearm. If you own and carry a firearm, why do you do it? If you truly aspire to be able to protect yourself and others, you will be more willing not only to train, but also to have your ‘tools’ with you.

Anytime I find myself unwilling or unmotivated to train, or be prepared, I take a minute to think about my IDENTITY and I review my PURPOSE or RESPONSIBILITIES as a husband, father, family man, friend, and someone who aspires to be a warrior!

Thought exercise: What are you willing to do to defend yourself or defend others? Are you willing to use lethal force when threatened with lethal force? Really think it through. If not, why not? If not, perhaps it’s not a good idea for you to carry the gun and maybe look at other options (Pepper Spray, Tasers and the like). The person who hasn’t really thought this through beforehand is more likely to FREEZE in a moment when they should FIGHT back. If you face such a moment, it is too late to ask yourself, “What am I willing to do here?”

It's a good habit to ask yourself this question often. Not just when you are alone and able to think about it deeply. Ask yourself this question regularly, when you are “in situ” or in an environment where you may have to act. Example: You are in a grocery store, at work, or at church. You hear gun shots. What are you willing (and able) to do? Are you willing to run to the sound of gun fire, find the threat or threats, and engage them on behalf of others? If you are with your family, are you willing to “find, fix, and finish” the threat once you’ve gotten them to safety? That is a question only YOU can answer. As one who aspires to be a warrior (still), I know my answer. What’s yours?

Most of all, WILLINGNESS to ACT comes from simply being more capable. As you become more capable of defending yourself, you also become more willing to do so and less likely to freeze if you face one of those ‘fight or flight’ moments. As you become more skilled, and more competent, you also become CONFIDENT. Confidence is an important part of being more WILLING to FIGHT back!

Summary and final question!

We talked about WILLINGNESS, specifically the WILL TO FIGHT. We defined what it is and laid out some reasons why it’s important. We also discussed how to develop this WILLINGNESS. As you can see, it’s a difficult topic to discuss. It involves some real thinking beforehand. But, if you do the work… both mentally and physically (as in training), you will gradually become more willing. Those who are more willing are also more likely to win in a moment of consequence. They are more likely to succeed in to PREVAIL if they face the crucible of a violent encounter. What are you willing do to improve your own odds?